The Twelfth Chapter - Towed Away

The first step of the transplant procedure was to prepare Glenn's bumper for installment.  It was pretty much ready to go, but I had to bang out a minor dent and remove the rusted out license plate light.  The latter proved to be a minor timewaster challenge, as the last screw holding the light in place was rust-welded to the bumper and took a combination of hitting, prying, and cutting with an assortment of tools to get it removed.  With that out, and with a snapped-off bolt replaced on one of the mounting brackets, it was ready to install in the car.  I also had to remove the license plate holder and associated speed nuts from the original bumper as they were both missing from the new unit.  It was already dark at this point, so I waited until the next day to perform the transplant.  

As the following day arrived, so did David, who managed to sneak in another car-spotting bike ride by biking to and from my house that day.  With David's help, I was able to get five of the six bumper bolts out that held the mounting brackets in.  "What about the last one," you may ask.  Well, it turns out that whoever installed the tow hitch on this car did it with both the bumper still on the car and with the intent of blocking off the sixth bumper bolt so it was impossible to get a wrench on the backside.  Needless to say, I was not happy to discover this.  I quickly grabbed the angle grinder, hoping I would be able to cut the welds on the tow hitch and get it out of the way so I could remove the last bolt.  No dice.  While the angle grinder would probably cut through the weld quite easily with the bumper removed, it could barely fit up onto the frame to cut the thing off with the bumper on the car.  Not to worry, though, because we have a sawzall!  Oh wait, it doesn't even fit under the car.  My mind immediately flashed back to my enthusiastic remark about how I wouldn't even have to jack the car up to remove the bumper.  Reluctantly, I began dragging the old Sears 3-ton jack across the driveway and to the back of my car.  With the rear end off the ground, I had just enough clearance to fit the blade in-between the tow hitch and frame rail and being cutting.  Lots of jumping and bent blades (and cursing) later, and I had one side just about cut free.  I had to switch back to the angle grinder to get into the corner (this became a recurring theme during this process).  The other side went by much faster now that I knew what all it entailed.  With both sides free, I stood back, smiled, and gave the hitch a good kick.  My smile evaporated when it moved half and inch and then hung up.  Apparently, the two tabs where it mounted to the old bumper were preventing it from moving further under the car and off the frame rails.  Out came the angle grinder once again to remove them, but that still didn't solve the problem.  I finally accepted the fact that I would have to cut the hitch mount in half, and once again donning my safety goggles, I went back to cutting.  By now, I had to break out a second battery and stick a piece of wood behind the area I was cutting to deflect the sparks away from the gas tank.  I started the cut with the angle grinder and finished it with the sawzall, and when the hitch finally gave way and fell out of the car, I declared my victory with glorious revelry yelled a couple triumphant curses at it and threw it on the ground next to the car.